One of the hardest issues to survive in, as a single parent, is an overwhelming emotion that you should complete the role of both mother and father. This feeling evolves and will be more intense if the other single parent is not portraying a role that is active with the children.
You would probably fight this feeling often in two ways. Either you try to compensate by being both the mom or dad or you get on one of those wildlife hunting explorations to search for a partner to fill in the other role.
May I give you a piece of advice? Neither one of these options will work. It is easier to say it than to do it.
Single parents always bring this feeling of guilt for the reason that their children do not obtain the love and care they could be getting from another parent. So what are you supposed to do? It is a very difficult situation.
For example, you are a single father with three children. This gets even more complicated if two out of the three are girls and you will have to choose between being a mom or to hunt for the mom to be able to have a better orientation for your daughters.
You would most probably go on an exploration to fill the second. Not a year has passed and you would probably go back to being a single parent.
As mentioned, this is never the answer. The lesson on that example is that you cannot replace the mom or the dad. Of course, this does not mean that it is impossible to find people who are ready to be a huge portion of both yours and your children’s life. What is really meant is that this should not be the reason for the relationship you form.
Instead of feeling that you need to replace your wife or your husband for your kids, why don’t you focus on what you need to provide or give to them? Being a single parent is not a reason for you to feel guilty. You should rather be proud that your sons and daughters have you.
This article is written to help you, single parents, realise that your children love you and if you are going to find another spouse or feel guilty, you are not going anywhere. You have to comprehend that single parents do not have to have a mate to make your kids glad.
If you are a single parent, then you are probably strongly thinking that you should fill both roles. This is empowered by the feeling of guilt for fitting our children in difficult positions. You have to get over this and recover as fast as you could.
You are only human; you are not a superhero. You cannot do everything by yourself and you should never feel that you are second best just because of this.
Your children do not all the time give a helping hand either. Children are not evil, crazy or anything of that kind, they are just being what they are, kids. It is what kids always do, and it turns out that it really works well for them.
You need to adapt to working with your kids with your own provisions and not feel lower than appropriate for the reason that you cannot do something.
In total, you gain the respect of your kids if you follow what I just said. No matter how much and how well you try, you surely cannot be both your children’s mom and dad. So take this as advice, quit trying.
You do not need to be perfect to make your kids love and appreciate you. They love you just the way you are. You should even appreciate yourself first in order to make your children and others appreciate you. You should know that parenting exercise is different.
You are most probably thinking that being a single parent drains your energy and will not let you have time for yourself. Well, tell you what, it does not. It helps you become stronger and it makes you appreciate yourself because of what you do.
By Jason NG,
Christ & Co.
